Queen Panda

I heard an interesting thing on the radio this morning. Apparently, pandas in captivity in China aren't reproducing. So zoo authorities have taken to showing pairs of pandas videos of other pandas mating, in the hope of encouraging them. "Panda Porn", if you will.

How might this go? Thoughts:

• Backing track of pandas singing the video of Queen's "I Want To Break Free", in Cantonese, obviously. This could be shown as well, in a shot-for-shot recreation of the original video complete with costumes. But with pandas.
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• Female panda in a blonde wig and a pink mini dress, pretending to tidy up her enclosure.
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• Male panda in plumber's overalls and a baseball cap, carrying a little case of tools.

Sample dialogue:

"Why hello Mr. Panda. What brings you to my enclosure?"
"Routine bamboo maintenance miss."
"Hmm. I'll maintain YOUR bamboo..."

etc etc.

Or maybe:

"Is that a water chestnut in your fur, or are you just pleased to see me?"

I think it could work.